final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
