Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How external is "for external use only"?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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