it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
