you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
