K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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