I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
