a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize