You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
