I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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