As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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