and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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