Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
