You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
