Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
