I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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