Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize