ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
