I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize