Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
