Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
