i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
