The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
