how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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