just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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