The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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