I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to sanitize my soul.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
