the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
