From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize