Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
