after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
