Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize