he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
