He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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