suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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