I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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