i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
