u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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