Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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