It's Friday. Sex?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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