Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
