He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
