Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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