alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
