what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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