none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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