It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bring money and cleavage
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
