My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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