I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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