That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
