I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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