Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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