I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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