Already got asked if we're dating
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
