He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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