Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
