is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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