True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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