Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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