i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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