You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize