i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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