The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
