Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
