I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
