Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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