It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
