I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
