My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
