Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
