90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
