i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The air was thick with penises
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
