when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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