the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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