Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
