Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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