i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize