My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it hurts more in the daytime
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
