my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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