My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
