whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
