If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize