New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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