Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
