I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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