Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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