white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
