I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
