i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
honey bunches of taint.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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