I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
