Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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