My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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