Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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