Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
