you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
