haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
