when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
