end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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