took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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