i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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