How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
