i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
