And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Semen is not good for contacts.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
