I am spending my child support on dildos
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
