Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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