I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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