Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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