so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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