I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
