Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
