You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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