she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
